Misery Loves Company

    Tonight after I finally made a dent into my school work I decided to blog. I grabbed my computer as I thought of what I wanted to write about. Usually, I write from my thought. Straight from whatever emotion I'm feeling at that exact moment. 
    As I started to type this all I wanted to do was write my anger down. That's right, my "super funk" is still large and in charge of my life. I work and work and work, then all I want to do is sleep. Not because I'm sleepy, but because I'm sad. And I get more sad about the fact that I'm sad. It's a vicious cycle. 
    I hate myself for being this way. I have so much to be thankful for, so many things in my life that should make me happy, but they don't. Even worse, all I want to do is make those important to me just as miserable. That old saying "misery loves company" is not a myth. 
    While I know what I am thankful for there is still so much I wish I could change. So many aspects of my life both in and out of my control that are cumbersome to me. Things I won't get into to because I am aware nothing positive would come from that. 
     I will continue to grin and bear it. I will continue to hope for things to change for the better. Perhaps a giant sign will fall from the sky with all the answers to my problems. Hey, I can dream right? 
    There is one last thing I want to address. All of this sadness/funk/misery has highlighted some positive (and negative) things in my life. I want to shout out to some people who love me, listen to me complain, drink with me and tell me when I need to get over myself. 
    I recently paid $45 to get drunk in a field on 4 hours of sleep and thanks to these people my day could not have been better.                        




People say friends will grow apart... 

...but I have a hard time believing that.... 








                                                                        
                                                                                         

... because I know without friendship I would have nothing

Super Funk

     Well friends, it's been a while. A lot has been going on in the chaos I call my life. I've been accepted into graduate school at Auburn. I graduate from my undergrad in a month, and I recently learned I was given a graduate assistantship. I am blessed. That is a fact I can never disagree with or forget. 

     But lately I've been... sad maybe that's the right word. Or maybe down is a better fit. Nothing I seem to do gets my out my funk. Maybe it's because graduation looms over me. Being pushed out into the pre-real world. A two year stop in a new town once again where I have to make all new friends. A fact that has made me cling to my old friends even tighter. We're all growing up, moving on with our lives. Starting the next chapter. 

      There is constant turmoil in my life. Raised in classic southern family where ignoring problems is the norm. This is becoming a daily struggle. Tip toeing around people's feelings. Trying not to piss anyone off. I want everyone to like me, to be proud of me. 

      With all of these accomplishments lately I can't help but feel good about myself. Something I rarely let myself do for the fact that it hurts worse when you fail. I remain, above all, a realist. Even if it means I come across as a pessimist. 

       As I tip toe through my daily routine I ask myself am I good enough. Will it ever be enough for the people in my life? Will the good ever out weigh the bad? Will the transgressions ever be forgiven? How long will I live my life for other people? I want to be accepted, but isn't it my life? 

       Too many daily questions adding un-needed stress to my life. School, job, internship and whatever social life I can manage after that. 

      I don't want to seem like I'm on a soapbox, but there's not a lot in my world that I'm sure of. There are not a lot of things I can control or that are constant. There are however two things that hit me today that will be constant. They were constant before my time and will live on after I'm gone. Two things that give me comfort in knowing their truth. 

1. Dolly Parton is one of greatest American woman our planet will ever see.   If I kiss you will you go away

2. Janis Joplin's Me and Bobby McGee will never get old to me. Me and Bobby McGee

Those two things will hopefully get me through my funk or at least until graduation.

( Perfect Mix ) And sometimes they can meet in perfect harmony.