I Am A Leo

      It's no secret dating is hard, there is too much pressure. Especially the older you get and everyone your age is getting married. It's scary stuff. I think it's even scarier when you have several dating experiences that always end the same way. You start questioning yourself. Was it my fault? Am I too (insert adjective)? Should I change?

      These are some questions that have been floating around in my head recently. If you know me you know I have a strong personality and can be set in my ways. I know what I want, if I actually want anything, and I'm not afraid to tell you. My honesty is abrupt and most of the time mistaken for rudeness. I'm easy going and other's decisions don't always affect me. My indifference is taken for playing hard to get, leading to hurt feelings and end of relationships. Ultimately, I've decided that I can only date an asshole or someone with an equally strong personality. 

       In recent years I've become interested in the Zodiac world. I like to see characteristics of my sign and see if they truly apply to me. I'm a leo and I fully believe that this does play into my personality and my dating problem. Last week I ran my natal chart and it came back with TONS of information about my particular sign. 

I'm going to put a few points below that struck a chord in me. 

• Although on the surface, Leo's appear rather confident, they can actually be some of the most humble souls around. 
• You don't always see that you are your own worst enemy. You may long to be important in the eyes of the world,yet you harbor fear of success.
• You are more attached to the game than the player, and this is something to work on if you are looking to find true fulfillment. 
• You thrive on change and variety. You make a fun companion and an interesting friend. You listen. 
• She doesn't take like too seriously in the sense that she believes in having a bit of fun. 
• Might sometimes come across too strongly or offend sensitive people. 
• She likes to speak and to write, and does with charm and artistry. 
• Their love is shown by criticizing. Trying to help. 
• She is devoted, does not show emotion: she does not let herself go, either through fear of ridicule or through fear of not being loved in return as much as she loves. 
• Your personal sense of style and manner are things that others find fascinating. 
• Independent in love. She tires quickly and is scared of losing her liberty. 
• She quite naturally accepts the idea that her partner might need some personal space and freedom.
• Cannot help being noticed, they radiate a special energy. 

    I only put these for two reasons: my faith in the zodiac has grown because it was spot on in my description and because I can now blame my love trouble on the fact that I'm a leo. 

    Now, this doesn't fix my love problems and I'm still asking myself all those questions. But, I don't think I'll change. I like how independent I am, even if it does cost me several future relationships. This lead me to think about the difference between change and growing up. Will I grow more in the future? Sure. Will that growth lead to change? Yes. Will I change simply to attempt to fix my lack of love? No way. To each his own, and one day there will be a him that my strong leo personality fits with. 

Stay Sassy, A. 

    If you want to figure out your natal chart, which I recommend, click here for the link. 

Hardball

     I think today we grow up with unrealistic expectations about life. I relate this back to the Great Depression when people would escape to the movies in order to forget about the hardships happening to and around them. Except we don't just escape, we bring it back with us and that is why movies have ruined our expectations. 
     They are a vision of a perfect situation. The meet-cute. The courtship. And ultimately, the happily ever after. We idealize it. Boys are supposed to be romantic, remembering our favorite flower and our half-birthday. Girls are supposed to be bubbly, never too mad and don't poop. 
      Well, NEWSFLASH - girls do poop and boys only know roses and daisies. This is not just me being pessimistic, just realistic. 


All of this has lead to a very vicious cycle. 

• Girl likes boy
• Boy thinks girl is ok
• They date
• Boy watches too much ESPN
• Girl gets too emotional 
• They argue 
• Both blame each other
• They break up

     They key problem here is "both blame each other." Neither party is willing to admit guilt. All because the cute romantic comedy showed us how perfect it could be. 

     

     Something I don't think we realize until it's over was the take and take exchange between the parties. This is what I refer to as "hardball." 

    Playing hardball becomes the foundation of day to day interactions. It feeds of the resentment you have been harboring since the beginning and it happens with such ease you don't even see it coming. 

      First, he's late picking you up for the third time that week. In return, you "accidentally" use all the hot water in the shower so his shower is cold. Next, he misses your grandmothers birthday party and you let it slip to his friends that he loves getting his nails done. And before you know it he's no longer doing anything nice for you and you are no longer doing him. Deadlock. Hardball.

      Whether it be love or comfort or habit that keeps you together you stay together and the game continues. Both too full of pride and resentment to be the first one to give and so the days play on and hardball continues. This is what our relationships have become - petty hardball sets in the greater match of the relationship. We've come to accept this behavior and worse to expect it. I don't even know how to take a compliment from a boy because it's been so long since I've heard a sincere one. 

       That's my point - there should be nothing "hard" about love. It shouldn't be "take and take" it should be "give and take." Both wanting nothing and yet giving everything. That's a real relationship. 

       It doesn't need a meet-cute or some fantasy movie date. It only needs two people, mutual weirdness and a sense of personal responsibility.  Happily ever after may not really exists in reality, but I think we can settle on a more real sense of happy. 

                                  Stay Sassy, A. 

       

2014

2014. 

     We're eight days in and with every day another glorious plan for the future is made. A new year is a weird concept. "A clean start" they say, but that's not true. You don't just lose the bad decisions and bad luck because of a new year. 
     This year I decided to make a few resolutions. Resolutions I made because of my past and the future I hope for. I don't wish for a "clean start" my stains will ultimately lead me to better decisions. 
      I'm only going to share a few for the sake of this post. 
       
      1.  Try to be a nicer human.  

I'm not necessarily a mean person, but I do realize that I'm a negative person. I vow to try and be more positive. I don't want to bring people down with my negativity, but rather lift them up with positive words. Or maybe this just means not saying anything if I don't have any helpful words. (It's going to be a work in progress) In hopes of becoming someone people want to be around I will work on this flaw. 


      2.  Not to be selfish. 

I think it's human nature to be a little selfish. It's natural to want everything and yet, give nothing in return. I think to define selfishness would be situational. Everyone has their own definition, but I think they all share compromise. Again, I'm not the most selfish person out there but I do see room for improvement. 

    These two resolutions aren't huge life changing ideas. They aren't going to be noticeable to everyone. I'm not doing them for attention. I'm doing them because I realize that these two things take a toll on those around me. With the risk of sounding cocky, I do know that I am a good time. I know people enjoy my company. However, I equally realize that people can only take so much of a bad attitude before they want to punch you in the face, or worse, stop being your friend. I sort of like the friends I have, I would hate to lose them because I refused to see my flaws. 
     As 2014 really gets going I hope everyone turns to themselves. Ask yourself how you can be a better human being. Don't just accept things as they are things can always be better and I'm willing to bet that you can contribute to that betterment. 

Happy New Year and Stay Sassy- A.